Family of three

 

Firstly, I decided to have a home birth after witnessing the terrible birth of my nephew in hospital. A change of shift and many indecisions later he was born. I knew then I deserved something better, my own midwife, who would stay with me. Secondly and more importantly, I felt the need to birth in a more friendly and relaxing environment. That was three years ago.

 

Tarantino’s Birth

On August 30th, 1995 I had a home pregnancy test; we just knew it would be positive. My pregnancy went well; I did have a scare at 11 & 1/2 weeks when I had some bleeding. It brought back some scary memories of a miscarriage I had when I was younger. After finding out from a scan that everything was fine, my pregnancy went well, and I was due on 28th April 1996.

After falling asleep around 12:00am Wednesday the 24th April 1996 watching T.V. I woke up at 1:30am needing to go to the toilet. I did and then turned off the T.V. and went back to sleep. At 2:30am I woke again needing to go, so once again I did, (I thought this is it as I really emptied my bladder) then it was back to sleep for the night! At 3:30am I was again woken by my bladder (or so I thought), but as I sat up, I knew it wasn’t my bladder leaking! I felt amniotic fluid running down my legs as I dashed to the toilet, I felt like a little kid with a new toy! I sat there thinking “yay THIS IS IT”. I then headed back to the bedroom to tell my husband Gregory. I turned on the light and saw my “show” on the side of the bed; I woke up Gregory and told him, he did a double take. We whispered about what was happening, letting it sink in. It was 4:17am and I felt something in my tummy, it must be a contraction. Thinking labour would be long we decided not to ring our midwife (Pam) until 6am, a more decent hour to be woken up!

We (Gregory actually) decided to get some sleep, huh, fat chance I had waited a long time for this, and I was too excited to sleep anyway. I got up and had a cup of tea, something to eat. I went back to bed, but even Gregory was too excited to sleep even though he usually HAS to have 8 hours!! So, we went into the lounge and put the heater on. It was now 5:15am and I had been having mild like period pains for the last hour 5-10 minutes apart. By 5:45am I thought it would be good to relax in a bath.

At 6am Gregory rang the midwife, and she said to ring back when the contractions were 5 minutes apart – they were! I was having them 5 minutes apart with smaller ones in between. Gregory and I decided to wait another ½ hour before ringing her back. Gregory rang my brother as he would be off to work (7am) and we wanted him to know, he asked whether he should get the day off, we said no as it would probably be a long day. Graeme (brother) said that he would ring at lunch and check how things were going. By then it was 6:30am and we rang Pam back, and she was on her way.

When Pam arrived, we were in the bedroom enjoying the quiet with our two cats on the bed with us, oblivious to what was happening. At 7:30am we talk with Pam about when to call my parents to come (they live in Taumarunui, two hours away), we decide to ring them and say to start to get ready. At 8:15am I ask for a V.E. as I wanted to know how far along I am, so my parents don’t miss it. Pam said that I am about 5cm dilated and that my cervix is soft, and that we had better tell my parents to leave NOW! I thought wow this is going fast – halfway.

Back to the bath as the contractions have become quite strong since 7:00am Pam coaches me through my contractions giving me a way to cope – she said “It’s like climbing up a mountain, tough going up, but once you reach the peak it gets better, eases”. I saw that mountain at each contraction and focussed on the peak, and when that was reached the pain ebbed slowly away. During this Gregory was rushing around getting water, straws, and ice. NO ice in freezer, ahh!! That was Mum and Dad’s job….

I was quite relaxed and with every contraction my hand was held by either Gregory or Pam – I’m not sure who. Only once did I feel like asking for pain relief, as the contraction ebbed so did that thought, as I couldn’t speak during it. With no words spoken my needs were met – cold flannels, drinks. I could feel our baby moving down when suddenly a contraction hit in three bolts and I panicked, Gregory told me to breathe, as I was saying I couldn’t handle it, his words were forceful and it broke my panic and made me focus once again. Transition had hit and I wanted out of the bath. After the next contraction I stood up, and gravity hit!! WHOA it was a heavy feeling. Baby had moved right down.

We went into the bedroom (9:30am), I stood with Pam rocking and still adjusting to the new sensation of the head. I screamed a little which actually helped. It was then I looked at the clock and realized my parents were not going to make it. I felt like keeping our baby in, as I wanted them here. I was also fighting my body, instead of working with it.

I knelt leaning on the bed. I started pushing/my body did, but felt nervous/scared I knew this was the only way our baby was going to come out and once I got my head around that I felt more in control. I couldn’t feel the contractions, which felt weird (like losing a reliable friend), so I turned around and squatted with Gregory behind me, I was using his legs for support. Just before that I threw up, which did not surprise me, but was Yuk! Pam was putting hot cloths on my perineum – what a relief to the stinging, stretching feeling. We got out a small mirror and I saw our baby’s head, Pam suggested I touch it, I couldn’t, as I could only think of the pain and if I touched it, it might get worse, strange logic? But seeing our baby’s head helped as I was still fighting things. Then Pam suggested “hopping on to the bed” – how could I “hop” on to it – well I did! I was lying on my left side. Gregory knelt on the bed and I held on to him.

My leg was on Pam’s back or it was pushing into her side. After a few pushes (3?) I felt like nothing was happening that our baby still was not moving down. Pam said to Gregory “you can tell your baby’s coming out as you can see the rings on the head”. I still wasn’t convinced (panic I think – feeling that I could not do this). Pam then said “would I like an episiotomy” – with that said I knew I could push out a house! A threat Pam wasn’t willing to go through with; she hoped I would say no, she told me later. I did NOT want one, it made me focus again! With two deep pushes, and my head against Gregory’s side, our baby’s head was born. Pam said to be quiet so we could listen to our baby making squeaky noises. I could feel the shoulders move into position – it was an amazing feeling. Gregory had a look at our baby and say baby having a good look around! I asked for a rest to catch my breath as I thought it would be as hard to push out the shoulders as it was the head. A few breaths and with another gentle push and our baby boy was born at 10:20am.

I said “Is that my baby” – it was a release of overwhelming emotions – joy, love and even loss as he was no longer a part of me. I looked at Gregory and he has tears of joy in his eyes, and I could feel the love surrounding us, then he kissed me.

Gregory cut the cord after it finished pulsing and I helped. It seemed like we were alone, even though Pam was there. Fifteen minutes after Tarantino was born I delivered the placenta, baby was at my breast drinking, and then I gave a few small pushes while Pam gently pulled on it. Pam showed it to us before it was put into the freezer (we planned to bury it later). Five minutes (20 after the birth) later Mum and Dad arrived, slightly disappointed that they missed it all, but overjoyed to see their new grandson. All of us were amazed how fast it was, even Pam commented that she thought I wouldn’t deliver before lunch. Tarantino was checked over, weighed, dressed and perfect! Then handed to his proud grandparents. I had a shower and then went into the lounge to have a cuppa and to breastfeed my new son. What an amazing feeling birth is – what a truly exhilarating feeling to give birth the way I wanted, with love, in a caring environment – my home!

Thanks to Pam Sanders for her help (and threats) in achieving this.
P.S. My brother rang at lunch amazed that I answered and shocked that his nephew was here so quick!

 

Serrano’s Birth

I had an exceptionally good pregnancy; the only thing that hampered it was a sprained hip. I went to the chiropractor and felt relief, but I managed to fall over a couple of times and re-injured it so had to go back to the chiropractor. We chose not to have a scan as we feel they are not that safe, so we didn’t know what sex that baby was going to be.

I woke up at 4:30am on the 28th February with an ache in my tummy. Tarantino (our 3-year-old son) then woke up and had wet his bed, so Gregory changed him and I made up his bed. I have another pain. We go back to bed and make love, then another pain. I thought it might be just from making love. Another pain, ten minutes later, (5:10am) I think I might be in labour. I tell Gregory and we notice another is ten minutes later! Yip I know I am in labour, I go to the toilet to see if my waters have broken – yes only a little though.

We decide to put the birth pool up inside, as it is cool outside and if it’s a fast labour I’ll get cold. I ring Maggie to tell her the news –it is 5:30am will ring again later for her to come. I ring my mother and father in Taumarunui and tell them to come now. They were meant to be here for Tarantino’s birth, but missed it by 20 minutes, as they didn’t leave straight away. So, I wanted to make sure they made it this time.

The pool is filling and the contractions are 10 minutes apart and quite strong. I ring my sister Lynda and leave a message, also leave a message for my sister in the states. Lynda rings back and we talk for about ½ hour, she will keep ringing me as she is going out later. I ring Lesley (support person) at around six to tell her I am in labour. Ring Maggie back 7:20am as contractions are stronger. I go for a walk to the mailbox with the cats following and have to stop halfway down with a contraction. Maggie comes 7:50am and then Mum and Dad arrive – yay what a relief, I am so glad that they are here. Miriam arrives too (student midwife). Hot drinks for everyone and I go outside with Maggie.

After they finish their drinks both midwives decide to leave and come back later, since Mum and Dad have arrived, it is now 8:20am. While they are away we put on Titanic to watch. Dad took some photos of Tarantino and me to show off my tummy, as it will be the last photo of me pregnant. I have a few crackers and a cup of tea. Midwives return 10ish and I have been in the pool before they came and continue to hop in and out when I feel like it. Hopping out to use the toilet also. All this time (11:00am now), Dad and Tarantino have been in the bedroom on the computer! Tarantino comes to see me to get kisses and hugs then goes back to his game; I think he just needed reassurance that I am okay.

My cat Elsa comes by the pool and says hello and goes to sleep. Maggie is pouring water over my back with each contraction; they are 4-6 minutes apart. I close my eyes and go into myself blocking everything out. Gregory is there holding my hands throughout. The contractions feel very strong, but I have a good rest in between them. I crunch on ice and drink water when thirsty. Maggie leaves to get slippery elm as I have indigestion and it is really annoying me. I have some crackers while she is gone with Miriam in the kitchen and she helps me through some strong contractions.

They are getting stronger. I go to the toilet again. Gregory is in the bedroom checking on the others. Lesley is here now, and Mum goes to the shop to get things for lunch. I go back to the lounge to kneel and lean on a big cushion on the couch with Gregory holding my hands. Maggie is gone ½ hour and is back 12:30pm. She gives me the slippery elm in yoghurt and it seems to work.

I can feel now, my cervix opens before each contraction. Back into the pool. Toilet again (1:00pmish) and I have a clear show, I get up and cuddle Gregory and moan that it’s taking longer than Tarantino’s birth and I feel everyone is waiting for me – that I’m not progressing.

I go outside for a while – it is hot and sunny, and the contractions seem to be quite spaced out at times. Back to the pool and Mum and Lesley have made lunch for everyone, sandwiches and they looked yummy. I didn’t want any just in case I throw them up later. Maggie talks about a red line on my back that comes when I have a contraction, it’s not yet burgundy. Tarantino visits for a cuddle.

2:10pm another toilet stop, then back to the pool. Contractions are very intense, but still spaced out – quite different to Tarantino’s labour so far. I ask for Gregory to turn on the video and I turn around and hold onto his hands, Tarantino is right there too, as he didn’t want to go down for his sleep. My Dad tried to make him, and he got upset and came by me, I knew it was getting close and told Dad it was okay.

I am kneeling in the pool, leaning into the side when a contraction comes; Gregory gives me ice and water when I want. 2:30pm and the contractions don’t seem to stop, and I feel overwhelmed with them and scream a little. My Dad makes a joke and it annoys me and I tell him to shut up and he walks out, I cry and tell Miriam to make sure he’s not offended and is back in the room, she does and Mum and Lesley are also there.

I feel baby come down and scream as I remember that yucky, stretchy feeling. Baby moves back up and I have a rest and wipe my face then the next contraction comes and baby crowns and stays there. Maggie says baby is staying there, and I say I realize that – I think she is stating something that is too obvious to me!! She says then one more push and baby will be born. Another contraction and I push, but baby doesn’t come – I feel slightly cheated. The next one I push and baby is out, yet it felt weird like three hard bits. I say is it out yet as it took a few seconds. Maggie guides baby through my legs and I turn around and I lift baby out of the water and cuddle baby and cry. I say, “my baby”.

Maggie tells me that baby’s cord was around it’s tummy and over its shoulder – that she helped untangle it, so that’s why I felt three hard bits as it took a bit to come out. Tarantino cuddles me and then Gregory leans over and says, “Are you going to check what sex it is?” I do and it’s a boy – I tell everyone “here’s Serrano Bruce Alan De Estena” so they know he is a boy.

I decide to get out, as Serrano feels cold even though they put in more hot water. Time he was born was 2:49pm, wow only 19 minutes of second stage, and only four pushes for him to come out. Tarantino’s second stage took 50 minutes; I am amazed how different the two births were. I hop on the couch 20 minutes later I birth the placenta.

Serrano is very alert and is breastfeeding before and after the placenta delivered. My Dad cuts the cord with Tarantino overseeing it. We celebrate with grape juice and chocolates for everyone. I ring Lynda and then Denise to tell them the good news. I also ring my brother; they will come over soon. Everyone is there and I feel peaceful and loved. I am really glad my parents were there to witness their grandchild’s birth, especially as Dad had never been at a birth. Lesley was overwhelmed and thankful to be a part of our special day, it was also her son’s birthday!

Maggie then goes over the placenta and explains all the “bits” to me. She checks Serrano out and we all guess at his weight after everyone having a hold. Miriam and Lesley are the closet. Maggie weighs him and he is 9lb 10ozs, 57cm long. WOW!! Then she helps me to the shower while Miriam gets him changed and clean as he passes some meconium. Then back to the couch for a cuppa and something to eat, which Mum kindly gets for me. Maggie and Miriam leave it is now just before 5:00pm.

Another wonderful home birth that I will cherish, it was exactly how I wanted having a water birth. Thanks to Maggie for helping me to achieve this. Thanks to Miriam for your help and I hope this reinforces home birthing for you.
Thanks to my wonderful husband who like me thinks there is no other way to birth, but at home. We feel truly blessed to be able to have the birth we both wanted – once again in our home, surrounded by people we love.
I feel great after the birth and start to concentrate on breastfeeding, as with Tarantino I had some problems. Serrano decided to pull back and move from side to side when feeding and this grazed my nipples. The first week was a bit hard to get used to feeding again. It hurt and I felt a little discouraged, but I made sure he got on properly and then there were no more problems – wow what a relief!

Looking back at both of these births years on and after having had a transfer to hospital with my last birth. I feel lucky at the quality of care I received and how different the practices of the two midwives I have had. My first midwife was good but the second one was great and the difference being: the first midwife “did home births’ while the second was a “home birth” midwife. Their philosophies were hugely different and looking back I wished I had known that, as I would have chosen a home birth midwife for my first birth.

My friend Lesley said of the midwife “she didn’t do much, apart from monitor baby and massage your back”. The midwife knew to let me birth my baby and help me do this by watching and encouraging that process, not by interfering and “monitoring” every 5 minutes. She listened to my noises and watched how I was birthing to see how close I was to birthing the baby. She trusted, like me in the process of birthing naturally without unnecessary intervention.

 

Ariana’s Birth Story

What a surprise to find out I was pregnant. After conference in Dunedin in July I had my suspicions and then in Invercargill waiting for my period to come, I knew it was not going to. My van broke down and instead of a week’s rest without my boys it was stress. I was missing them and they both had chicken pox while I was at conference. The thought of leaving my partner and our so very new relationship was hard enough; we did not know what we were going to do. Then to be pregnant WOW what a shock. My friend in Invercargill brought me a pregnancy test and when it was positive both of us said I was having a girl. Well we would have to wait to find that out.

I travelled back to Hamilton, stopped in at Dunedin overnight and stayed with Belinda, a midwife and ex co-ordinator for the WHBA. We talked and worked out when I was due, it got me excited to be on this wondrous journey that being pregnant brings. I left there at 9am, stopped at Christchurch for a break to see my sister. The further I got away from Mark the more scared I was for our future. I got to Wellington at 12 (midnight), fuelled up and went to Bulls and went for a coffee at a mates. I meant to crash there the night, but was too wired and wanting to see my boys. So, I left and got to my parents place in Taumarunui just after 6am – 21 hours drive, with only a few hours sleep on the Lynx crossing the strait. After trying to sneak in and go to sleep I heard my boys just waking – I couldn’t wait to cuddle them and share my news.

After a few hours sleep, my thoughts turned to midwives. I rang Maggie from Taumarunui, as I wanted to be sure she was available. The pregnancy went well with no problems. Mark and I kept in contact by phone and email; he planned to visit for 2 weeks in October. This was stressful as I wanted him here to support me and to experience the pregnancy. Add to stress levels my van breaking down and not being fixed properly – but finally got sorted. Tarantino (my 7 year old) was throwing up from December for a whole month up to 6 times a day. Many tries at homeopathic treatment then three visits to the doctor and one to the hospital and no help, he stopped. This was hard with him throwing up in the night and not fully waking up. He would sit up – so I would rush in, sometimes it meant a shower and bed change.

YAY three months till my due date of March 21st. Mark moved up at Christmas and we adjusted to living as a family. During this time we talked about the birth – how different are our views, if it was up to Mark we would go to hospital, for me though having had two awesome homebirths there was no way I’d birth anywhere else. This was hard on us both our vastly different philosophies.

Sunday March 16th I got up late and vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen walls and oven and washed floors (my last thing I wanted done before baby came and strangely enough the same thing I had done before Tarantino was born!!). Then I rushed off to our Core Group WHBA meeting. I relaxed after that. Mark and I watched the movie, and then I headed to bed tired from the day. A few niggles though lead me to suspect I was not to sleep this night. 10 minutes apart I go back out to the lounge to Mark and ask him “Are you ready to have baby tonight?” he said “no” then asked was I serious…YIP I was.

We moved the couch and started setting up the birth pool. I rang my Mum and Dad and said I would ring back in an hour, but I think you need to get ready to come. I rang back in ½ hour and it went to the answer phone – I kept trying and got frustrated. Got them 1ish and they are on their way. I had been going to the toilet frequently I went again and saw a small amount of blood. I also found I couldn’t stand or sit through the contractions as it was uncomfortable in my tummy. Which I knew was different to my previous labour pains. I rang Maggie and said I will ring in an hour, but that it looks like things are heating up so to speak. It is now 2am, by 2:30am there was more blood and the pain in my stomach didn’t feel normal. So, I had to ask Mark to ring Maggie and told her to come now.

I decided since things were stepping up, I would get into the pool – the temp was too hot, so Mark got buckets and filled it up. While he was filling one up outside, I needed him, I was kneeling on the couch leaning over the arm. I yelled at Mark to come – he didn’t hear me, and I swore and yelled then cried. He came and held me saying he hadn’t heard me, I told him not to leave me again. I tried the pool again and the temp was fine. So, I hopped in, Maggie came not long after 3am and checked baby’s heartbeat and all was fine, but we notice small blood clots in the pool. Maggie rings Sheryl (student midwife) and tells her to come and asks shall we ring Sonia (student midwife) and I said to wait until Sheryl arrives.

Also, the pool has not helped with the pain and I feel I can’t relax my stomach in between contractions. Mum and Dad arrive 3:30am and Mum says hi as she comes in, I yell at her to shut up swearing. I am not coping with the pain as I have no break and I am feeling scared. Maggie checks baby’s heartbeat, it is ok, but there are more clots. Maggie wants me out of the pool to check my stomach, which is very tight. There is a big clot when I hop out of the pool. I kneel by the pool during a contraction and I cry feeling scared, nervous, and uncertain of how things will go. I am feeling scared as I know this is not normal. Maggie explains we need to check this out with a scan and blood tests, to see whether it is my blood or baby’s, it could mean placenta previa. Maggie rings WWH to tell them we are on our way. Dad is here and will stay home since the boys are asleep.

I am lying on the couch and Mark is next to me, holding me, I tell him “It’s ok”. But I am not sure whether he needs the reassurance or that I do. Am I telling him or myself, I feel scared; this is not how it is supposed to be. Maggie gets the car ready, I hop in the back lying on Mark, Mum is in the front (she had got baby’s clothes from the hot water cylinder – yay). Maggie attempts to back out 6 times I keep thinking get me there this is hideous. A 5-minute drive that I am sure took an hour; Maggie was explaining what it could be and what tests we needed. We arrive at the hospital at 4:20am and no-one was ready for us Maggie had to get a wheelchair then wheeled us to a room. I wanted out of the chair as it hurt to sit down, Maggie said no and quickly wheeled up to the room – then went and got the registrar, ON to the bed – this isn’t happening, I’m not here. On my back (hate this) scan reveals placenta is not in front of baby (YAY) and she does a VE (OUCH), I am fully dilated. They insert a line in my left wrist – telling me to keep still, so I did and tell them to hurry up and just do it. ON my side and someone is messing with my back and I push their hands away. Sheryl arrives and Maggie tells me so I know.

Baby’s heartbeat is fine and I get asked if I want gas Maggie says, “she’s a home birther if she wants something, she’ll ask for it”. I think yeah, I don’t want gas, if I amhere,I would want the hard stuff. I actually said out loud “Don’t want gas” was kind of incensed at the offer really. Maggie tells me to turn over onto all fours – telling registrar and other midwife that’s how I birth. They keep trying to get baby’s heartbeat and can’t, so ask to put on a scalp electrode – Maggie whispers no, and then I say NO back to them. Then they look to Mark, wanting him to say yes. I tell Maggie I do not want to be here; she says well push baby out and then we can go back home, push deep into my bum, as I had not been the last two pushes. I put my head into my nightie – tis like I’m in another place and I tell myself I can do this and I breathe (this feels like I have escaped for ages) then emerge focussed. The other midwife puts the pillows in front of me (making it easier to lean on), and I lean over them. Mark is right next to me, holding me. A good push, then I sit right up so the registrar can listen to baby’s heartbeat. Sheryl wipes my forehead ahhh bliss and I cuddle into Mark.

Someone (Maggie) has hot cloths on my perineum, and I concentrate my pushing there – they feel sooo good. A few more pushes and Maggie tells me not to stop, baby is right there and then she is born. I pull her through my legs and up. Maggie helps – baby is not breathing, so Maggie tells me to blow on baby and talk. She suctions baby and baby coughs a little. I cuddle baby and want to turn around and lie back. I cannot wait to check the sex, I have a little girl, Mark is right there, and I smile and tell him. I turn around the hospital midwife and registrar are gone, no congratulations, just gone. We wrap towels around baby against my body she is breathing fine. 4:20am she was born only 20 minutes after arriving at WWH!! But it seemed a lot longer than that! There is a bit of blood and I feel sticky and yuk, baby’s poo’s on me as well! Sheryl gets some cloth’s and wipes me a bit and we get a clean sheet under me. Maggie tells me baby was born in her caul and she had to break it. Hospital midwife pops in and comments how perfect her head is – Mark liked that.

We have a coffee and baby feeds. I rang Dad to say everything is fine and that we have a girl and asked him not to tell the boys. The placenta comes 45 minutes later, and Maggie catches it this time (with Serrano she missed, and it landed on the floor). I laughed at this. Another coffee. I give baby to Mark after he cut the cord. We discuss how I was treated by registrar and Maggie goes to talk with her, she comes back and feels better about why she did VE etc. Mark gives baby to Mum and goes for smoke with Maggie. Sheryl goes over the placenta when he comes back. A lot of blood clots, but otherwise good. We talked with Maggie about why I bled and had stomach pain – “placental abruption” the placenta coming away caused the bleeding and pain. I go with Maggie to showers. Then we get baby and leave – Mum had gotten her dressed while I was in the shower.

We arrive at home at 6:30am and Dad and the boys rushed out to meet us, I tell them it’s a girl – which they already knew. They were always saying they were getting a sister; dad had not told them it was a girl. They had huge smiles on their faces. We sit down and have coffee and biscuits. Dad comments that it is St Patrick’s Day March 17th. I ring Sonia and tell her, she will visit after dropping her son at school. Mark, Ariana Rhiannon Lynda De Estena-Kennedy, and I go to bed. Sheryl takes a photo of us all and the boys. Sheryl and Maggie leave. I stay awake until Sonia comes, I am feeling tired though…. then I sleep.

What a journey. Not at all what I wanted and in so many ways I feel sadness at that. I am glad we transferred as there was a risk of placenta previa. The registrar said to Maggie that we could have stayed at home – great to say in hindsight. It was a good reason to transfer and that is what a hospital is for, to use extra equipment if it is required. Funny thing in my notes it says I had a “non-caesarean delivery” I kind of think they need to change the language they use there.

I would like to thank Maggie for her strength, for her support and her voice. You are an amazing advocate for birthing women, giving them their voice in an environment where they easily lose all strength to ask for what they want. Thank you Sheryl for being a great support to Mark explaining what was happening to him and my Mum. To Mark I know a home birth was not your choice, but I thank you for supporting me in my choice. You were amazing being there with me and for me. We created a perfect baby through our love, I thank you for that.